Hope for Life

Next 10 years

The reason why my blog's URL is call 10 years of hope, is because Small B-Cell Lymphocytic Lymphoma/Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, as the name suggest, is a prolonged, slow kind of blood cancer.

It doesn't affect your body rapidly like acute lymphocytic leukemia does, but the sympthoms developed slowly. Most people are able to lead normal lifes for many years, some decades. But generally, my doc told me that the lifespan for patients with this condition is about 10-15 years.

Which means I might not live past my 40th birthday.

But I am thankful because I still have at least some years to live, to appreciate life, to love the people around me.

When I first know about this through my doctor, my 2nd bro was with me. I was calm because after all those test that I went through, I know that something is wrong. I had tubes stuff into my nose before, biopsy being done in my air passage way because the lymph nodes there had swell up. The doctors took a sissors like thing and snip off some part of the swell and all this was done by putting the apparatus up my nose, into my air passage way. I had needle biopsy done on my swollen neck lymph nodes. And I had an operation. 2 months of grueling test was enough to prepare me for the news that day.

To be honest, even till now I am still in slight denial, because I still lead a normal life as before. Like for instance now, while I am typing this, I am wondering to myself if the doctors made a mistake. But now as I took the results in my hand, I know that my total white blood cells is higher than normal. 16.0 k/ul instead of the normal range of 4.0 to 11.0. I still have to go for further CT scan and bone marrow biopsy. I am quite tired of the tests. I am afraid, to be h0nest.

My 2nd bro accompany me to see the doc that day when I knew the results. And I am forever grateful that it was him who went with me and not my mum. I wouldn't know how to face my mum.

"10 years is a long time you know. I mean, life is so unpredictable, people can just die from traffic accident suddenly. So you really shouldn't think too badly about this. Maybe you should buy toto, since your condition is so rare, it is even rarer than winning toto. Who knows? You might just strike toto the next time you buy."

Outsiders may think it is totally insensitive of him to say this to me. But I was very touched. I know he is trying to cheer me up. And being an Asian man, he is brought up not to show his emotions so apparently, so perhaps that is the best thing he could do at that time. That is the only way he could think of to cheer her baby sister up.

I am happy.

And he was there to help me break the news to my mum.
I couldn't do it on my own.

I am glad.

My next visit to the hospital will be on the 30th October.
My bro has already applied leave to go with me too.

Though I am scared...I know I am safe. :)

posted by Fay @ 10:21 PM