With pleasure, comes pain
I remember myself writing this on 25th April, soon after knowing the current person. Indeed, with pleasure comes pain. She gives me so much pleasure, she also gives me so much pain.
Seems like this short term pleasure is going to end very soon. Which honestly is for the best. I think we will kill each other if we continue this any further. I am now down with a flu for 5 days and arguing with her at night does not help at all. Her inconsistency and sometimes finger pointing is really driving me up the wall. My possessiveness and insecurity is driving her nuts.
We really are better off being friends.
If only my heart thinks so too.
Short term happiness
So I am back in the kinda no strings attached no status situation with her AGAIN. She dropped me like a hot potato the last time and now I am totally prepared to be dropped like that too.
I don't really know what I am doing nor where this is going. But I am going to BKK to pray for a partner who will love me and I also love him (preferbly him) and will give me the status I well deserve.
Meanwhile, I am really just enjoying the moment. She is almost what I am looking for, frequency and communication wise... We have quite different values and she is emotionally fucked up. But I guess all these ain't important since it is going to be a short term thing anyway. I am mentally prepared to be dropped the 2nd time again. Don't ask me why I am being so stupid. She really is unlike anyone I met before.
And so you're back, from Outer space part 2
This will be a shorter post as I am really exhausted.
So she came and join my friends for drinks. It was a little awkward. After all, I had not met her for 4 mths and we had not really been on talking terms because I refused to talk to her till I am over her. But as I was quite high on alcohol already, I did not feel too bad about her presence. She ordered some drinks and a bowl of salad. Soon, she was feeling quite drunk and we decided to go to a club for party.
We went to my friend's car and reached that place and I pulled her out of the car because she was not really moving her fat ass. But she just tumble out from the car. It was then I realised that she was really drunk. We sent her home thereafter and look through her IC to find out where she stays. Bring her all the way up to her house and she puked outside her house. Brilliant. We took the liberty to use her keys to open the door and her mum was so shock to see her daughter drunk. We went in and washed up (cos she kinda puked on our feet...) I actually went into her room to tug her in bed, even wipe off puke from her feet. Sigh I really am a damn nice person. I was cursing all the way, saying that this must be bad karma from my past life.
After that, we left and the next morning about 6am, she called and started to apologise. From her tone, I can tell she is still half drunk. It was then she started to say she misses me. I was very upset. I thought that she just disappeared from my life for 5 mths and now just conveniently waltz back into my life like nothing happened. I poured my heart out about all the pain she put me through these 5 mths and when we finally put down the phone, it was close about 1 hr later. Then thereafter, she called me at 8.30am, 9.30am and 10.30am...when I was still sleeping!!! Anyway after she had sobered up, she totally cannot remember what she spoke to me about at 6am. So all those "I miss you" were forgotten conveniently.... BITCH.
But that night, she kinda asked me out for tea and me having a soft spot for her, couldnt resist and went ahead. We quarrelled and argued again. had a little cold war. She tried to get me killed when driving by making a turning a little too fast and almost hitting the car in front. I don't know why we love to antagonise each other. Must be karma...
On Sunday, we were already smsing a lot and she told me she had a dinner. I told her I will be going to a party and I asked if she want to go. Surprisingly she say she will think about it. This is extremely rare considering how much she want to "turn straight" and trying to avoid all girls party. In the end she came and I was high and well.... I was all over her and the rest was quite history.
After Sunday, we kinda went back to talking terms (almost every night on the phone) and meeting up each other once in a while... So yes, she is officially back from outer space and into my life again.
I am happy but I know this will not last for long. One day, I will be dropped like a hot potato again and have my heart broken. But as a Leo who think with her heart ONLY, I can only see the temporary bliss and forget about the future torment.
So that's the story of my life. At least my friend promise that they will pick up the pieces for me if I fall again. So for now, let me drown in this life of decadence...
And so you're back, from outta space (Part 1)
She's back in my life.
But then again, for the 5 mths she was gone, she had never really left me alone. Though she blocked me to see her status on FB, was really mean to me at times, she would still constantly msn me, sms me, call me. I would never respond to the phone calls, since I believed we should not contact till I am totally over her.
However, for the past 1 mth plus, she has been sending SOS messages to me. She'd been really stressed at work and really needed a listening ear. And just so happened that one fine day, I was online and she started breaking down on the messenger. I accompanied her online for a good 12 hrs, only taking a break when I need to go for lunch and travel back home from work and dinner. I stayed with her online till 12am when she finally finished up her work and left the office. I told her that she can call me, but she told me that I would never picked up her call. So I told her, just for that day, I would. And she called me. We chatted for the first time in ages for a brief few minutes.
That night she message me on MSN, telling me that she really think I have a good heart. Well of course she would think so. After all the emotional distress she had put me through, I was still there for her when she needed me. Not that I am a saint. Deep in my heart I still have a soft spot for her. And there after she had been sending me SOS messages every once in a while. Telling me she was sick, telling me she needed help in this and that.
Then one day, a common friend of mine requested to meet up with me. I said I will be having dinner with my friends and she can join if she want. She asked if she could ask her along. I panicked and kinda told her that I would get back to her on this but never did. Some of my friends encouraged me to see her. They say it would be a test to see if I was over her. The thought kinda lingered on my mind. So 2 mondays ago, when she smsed me to talk about some random stuff, I asked if she want to join me and my friends for dinner. I told her I would be at orchard area and if she is interested, can just pop by. Later at dinner, my friend wanted to eat near Zouk area so we went there. She called and when she heard that we will be at that area, she said it was very inconvenient and won't be joining us. So I left it as it is, though secretly, I was thanking my lucky stars that she didn't come cos I don't exactly think I was ready to see her yet.
On Wednesday the same week, me and my friends went out for a drink and when I came back, I saw her online, so I asked her what was she doing for Thursday dinner. She told me to not ask her out if I meant to disappoint. Feeling extremely puzzled, I asked her what she meant. She felt very disappointed about Monday because she said she was always very busy at work and her life was just work and home, so if someone asked her out for dinner she would be looking forward to it but I changed venue without telling her (honestly she also never confirmed that she was coming that time), and subsequently changed her nickname to "The boy who cried wolf". I was flabbergasted, totally confused by her behaviour. So I apologised, though I seriously did not think I was in the wrong, and we ended the day on an unhappy note (like many nights on MSN cos I love to antagonist her, as she loved to say).
On Thursday, I was supposed to meet my friends at Timbre for drinks and after that clubbing session. Okay, I do admit tat my backside itchy that day and message her online asking her what will she be doing after work. She message me back on sms saying she will be finishing up her work in a while. I message her cheekily asking if she want to go clubbing with us (at a club I know she don't like to go) and she snapped. She smsed back and say "are you trying to irritate me? If you are, you'd succeed". There after, she called and we had a row. She kinda thought I was trying to pissed her off and even thought that the Monday dinner changed of venue was done on purpose! Yes very WTF, I know. Anyway I was so pissed off by the unreasonable outburst I went into the lift and told her I cannot talk to her anymore and cut of the call. She subsequently smsed me saying I was rude and that she wasn't even trying to pick a fight. I message back and asked if she was PMSing cos she was trying to pick a fight! She message back to apologised and said that she cannot make sense of my behaviour (which I admit is a bit too much...). And half an hr later, she message me to apologised again, telling me she was going crazy at work and asked me where I was. Soon after, she called me and started to break down, crying to me about her work and how her boss wanted her to change some work at 6pm and wanted it done by 10pm (on a Public holiday eve....) She asked me to go and find her which I refused cos I was with my friends and I ain't going to be at her beck and cal anymore, and told her she could come join my friends instead. Which she did.
End of Part 1.
Is anyone still reading my blog, seriously?
Flora had left us
Flora left. On my birthday.
Do not know what to make of it. So many people had died. Shandy, Molly, Flora, Sarah, Carol...
I can't help but feel sad... and scared.
Good bye Flora. There's no more pain now. Only happiness, in heaven.
H1N1 Scare
A leukemia patient passed away due to H1N1...
That is so scary.
If I ever get flu, I will definitely go and see doctor immediately. If H1N1 is not treated within 48 hrs, complications will arise.
So people, please do not take your flu lightly. Life is very precious
Life
Will I just be satisfied with a measely paying job? Should I go out and look for something more, something more of my capacity and pays better?
For someone like me, someone with a condition, someone who ultimately needs to go through a transplant and 1 yr of recuperation, can I stil dream of climbing the corperate ladder and make a name for myself before my life is on hold again?
Career, family, love, friends. What kind of priority should I set for myself?
