Keeping my mind off you
Just want to forget you.
Forget how you will call me everytime when you are free, at lunchtime, after work, getting back home, before you sleep.
Forget how you will be so upset to know that one day we will be inevitably apart.
Forget how you call me sweet names, how you sweet talk to me, how loving you once were.
Forget that you said that you loved me.
And today, all had became nothing but memories.
Societal pressure is something you cannot overcome.
Like you say, time is running out. It is running out for both of us.
This road is really bumpy. If given a choice, who would want to take the road less travelled?
But you still call me every now and then to say goodnight. You still msn me to say you miss me. You still slipped into your sweet talk mode once in a while.
I miss you.
But we can never be together.
And now I understand why you wish what you wish for.
We both wish that we are living in a gay world. And that.... our hearts can be free.
Happy gathering
Had a pretty enjoyable gathering with my JC sisters today. Happy because this is the first time in my years of being with them that I tell them something about my relationship. The gay kind.
Sometimes I am just glad that they are interested and will listen. :)
After all, I lead a totally different life from them.
voiceless screaming
Dear Life,
Please don't hurt me anymore.
Health, work, love.
How many more times must you punch me in the stomach and make me puke my guts out and cry my eyes out?
I've had enough.
Had always stayed positive and always trying to be contented with what I have.
But what changed? Why make the test harder than it originally was for me than most of the other people out there?
Please, cut me some slack.
I am only human, made of flesh and blood.
I did not cry when the needle poke through my flesh. I did not cry when I gave up the job I love and downgraded myself.
Why then, strip me of the other pleasures I had in my life?
Why let me experience joy and take it away from me within a few days?
Please, don't hurt me any further.
I. Beg. You.
loneliness engulfs
with each failed attempt, the heart grew colder.
Much much love
Went to see my doctor end of May and as usual, it was full of laughter and jokes. Before I leave, the nurse who had been with me through my CLL period (from the last doc to this doc) gave me a bag! Yvonne said that she only bought 2 bags, one for yvonne and one for me! And that I am the only patient she gave presents to!!!!
I feel so so so LOVED! I was really ecstatic, not because I received a present, but because I felt so blessed! I feel like there are so much love in this world and that even people who are there in my life due to their professions can give someone like me (just a "customer") so much love!
It is simply amazing. I am really blessed. =)
more threats
More threats from my family.
Woke up at 5am to go toilet, then go check an email. Dad found me using the comp, think I had been using it till 5am. Told my mum. Mum got angry.
Dad told me when I got bk fr work "if you don't want to affect your mum's health, you shld..."
Emotional blackmail again.
I wonder whose health will deteriorate first with all these emotional black mail, mine or my mum's.
Mum what do you want from me exactly?
And so my mum goes on with her usual nagging
"You do not know how to take care of yourself. You are so dependent of your parents. You do not know how to clean your room, wash your own clothes etc"
So mum. WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
Why not you STOP doing all these for me then let me learn to be independent? Just because I have a condition does it mean that I should be stripped of all these priviledges because when you guys are gone, I won't know how to take care of myself and WITHER AND DIE!?
And you say, FIND A HUSBAND AND HAVE A KID. THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU
Seriously, dear readers. Is it logical? That a MAN will be able to clean my room, wash my clothes, take care of me!?
The more I think about it the more I get hurt. I am seriously upset. What do you want from me, mum!?? What exactly do you want from me?
Just because I have a condition does it make me any different from everyone else that I NEED THE CARE OF A MAN like I am some SICK FREAK!?
I dunno how to feel anymore I feel SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU SAY ALL THESE!
Please don't treat me like a sick person anymore please. Perhaps moving out will make you feel better and it will be better for my independence.
