Tuesday, December 30, 2008

looking back 2008

If you want me to describe 2008, I can only say it is a year full of unpredictable events.

I was asked to go through chemo, changed a specialist and did chemo that lasted 6 mths. I changed department. My CLL went away and I had a normal looking face again, something I could not quite remember for the past 1 yr.

My ex boss got cervical cancer stage 3 in June. Spoke to her on MSN and she was still strong and cheerful. Suddenly I never hear from her anymore and my ex colleague suddenly told me her sitution was bad. Were supposed to visit her but didn't manage to (maybe cos I was too scared), and before I knew it, she passed away on boxing day.

My JC friend got thyroid cancer and went for surgery. She was pregnant while all this happened but she is still so strong and positive. Her baby is due next Feb. After that she is going for another surgery.

Actor Chor Chew Meng got diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy. I think everyone heard about him

2008 is a year which taught me that life is too unpredictable and it really can be very short. I no longer wish to plan for long term event, nor be very bothered about what is to come for the following year or next 5 years because seriously, life is about enjoying and appreciating the moment. No point planning and worrying about what has yet to come, for you never know if it will even come.

But having said that, I do not see 2008 as a bad year. On the contrary, I enjoyed 2008. I realised that there are so much love around. During chemo, so many people showered me with their love and concern. I feel really blessed. And after chemo, I feel so much better about myself and all aspect of my life. I really love my life now and appreciate everything and everyone.

I just need to kick that quick tempered bad habit of mine to be perfect. :3

Thus 2008 is a year for me to learn more about myself, and all the people around me. Those who really are concern for me and those who doesnt. And I can also roughly guess who will be the one who will cry for me during my wake if that day comes. I also learn to not take things too seriously and to let go and move on with the things we have no control over.

Dear friends who are still reading this blog. Thank you all for all the concern and love for the past year.

I love you all.

Friday, December 26, 2008

And she was called home to heaven

I am really not sure what to blog at the moment.

The memories of you, boss, keeps flooding back.

Thanks for the guidance, and for every single thing you'd done when I was working under you.

Life is fragile, but you made your mark in life, that is something we know. We will always remember you.

Rest in peace, Shandy.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Hang in there boss

My ex boss was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 3rd stage in June. She was fighting and going through radio and chemo for 4 mths before cancer got critical and spread to her kidney and last I heard, brain

I worked with her for more than a year and she always appear positive and is a tai tai looking girl. She was only 30 this year. A very successful woman, was a manager at a very young age, got a continental car and an apartment on her own at the age of 28. Then sold off the apartment and made about 50% - 70% profit from there.

We always say she is a very lucky person. But I guess life is really unpredictable. Too unpredictable. People can drink and smoke all their lives and not get a single illness in their lives, whil others can lead a really healthy lifestyle and kenna such things. Just when we think our boss had all the time in her life to enjoy all the profit she made....

Going to see her maybe these 2 days.

But I am very, very scared. For normal people, this may be just a visit to see an old friend or an ex colleague. They can sympathised with her but they can never empathised. For cancer warriors like myself, seeing a lighted candle, slowly losing it's light is an extremely scary thing.

I wish I have the courage to not shed any tears when I see her....

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Cancer to be world's top killer by 2010, WHO says

ATLANTA - Cancer will overtake heart disease as the world's top killer by 2010, part of a trend that should more than double global cancer cases and deaths by 2030, international health experts said in a report released Tuesday. Rising tobacco use in developing countries is believed to be a huge reason for the shift, particularly in China and India, where 40 percent of the world's smokers now live.

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So is better diagnosing of cancer, along with the downward trend in infectious diseases that used to be the world's leading killers.

Cancer diagnoses around the world have steadily been rising and are expected to hit 12 million this year. Global cancer deaths are expected to reach 7 million, according to the new report by the World Health Organization.

An annual rise of 1 percent in cases and deaths is expected _ with even larger increases in China, Russia and India. That means new cancer cases will likely mushroom to 27 million annually by 2030, with deaths hitting 17 million.

Underlying all this is an expected expansion of the world's population _ there will be more people around to get cancer.

By 2030, there could be 75 million people living with cancer around the world, a number that many health care systems are not equipped to handle.

"This is going to present an amazing problem at every level in every society worldwide," said Peter Boyle, director of the WHO's International Agency for Research on Cancer.

Boyle spoke at a news conference with officials from the American Cancer Society, the Lance Armstrong Foundation, Susan G. Komen for the Cure and the National Cancer Institute of Mexico.

The "unprecedented" gathering of organizations is an attempt to draw attention to the global threat of cancer, which isn't recognized as a major, growing health problem in some developing countries.

"Where you live shouldn't determine whether you live," said Hala Moddelmog, Komen's chief executive.

The organizations are calling on governments to act, asking the U.S. to help fund cervical cancer vaccinations and to ratify an international tobacco control treaty.

Concerned about smoking's impact on cancer rates in developing countries in the decades to come, the American Cancer Society also announced it will provide a smoking cessation counseling service in India.

"If we take action, we can keep the numbers from going where they would otherwise go," said John Seffrin, the cancer society's chief executive officer.

Other groups are also voicing support for more action.

"Cancer is one of the greatest untold health crises of the developing world," said Dr. Douglas Blayney, president-elect of the American Society of Clinical Oncology.

"Few are aware that cancer already kills more people in poor countries than HIV, malaria and tuberculosis combined. And if current smoking trends continue, the problem will get significantly worse," he said in a written statement.

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So fellas, it is no longer a disease that only affect the old. It can happen to ANYONE at ANY AGE, so much so that it has become the number 1 killer.

Funny how I know many people who ain't smokers but got cancer.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Story about me

I used to have a very close friend. We know each other since we were 13 and our friendship ended exactly 10 years later. We were very close, at least I treated her as a very close friend. So close that I became rather possessive (not in a romantic way though, i swear). Me, her and another close friend of ours are always hanging out together. We went to Indonesia, HK, Australia together and we stay in the hostel together. We were very close friends.

But perhaps being close friends also mean we get to know the person's character, from strength to weaknesses.

Always tactless and straightforward, my character is a total clash with her tactful, careful character.

In uni, we had many conflicts and I guess we hurt this friendship a lot with my words and her actions.

The year I graduated, we fell out. She went to become a singer and I dropped my hopes of becoming a theatre practioner and became a civil servant.

I had always thought that our friendship can withstand the trial of all this. I always believed that we will be friends again.

I kept this hope close to me, till the year I got cancer.

Our common close friend told her about my news. My friend hoped that she would at least be willing to meet me. But no, she is still impartial about it. It was cancer for god's sake. At the age of 25. Your friend who spent close to half your lifetime with. But it all does not matter to her.

10 years of friendship. And nothing can changed her mind when she decided to cut this friendship.

The week before I was hospitalised for test before chemo, we finally met up. I thought we can finally mend this friendship and hopefully, start afresh. But when I was hospitalised, till I was discharged, never once did she sms me to ask how was I. Our common friend was upset for me, because it was only when she mention about me to her that she asked about me. Her reason to this friend of ours is that she is concern but prefer to ask her instead of me.

For years I held on to the hope that we can forget about the past and be friends again. Even if it is not close friends, just being normal aquintance would suffice. But I guess 10 years of friendship means nothing to her.

The day before my chemo is the day I gave up totally for this friendship. I never cry again nor did I get myself angry again. I even forgotten that she existed in my life sometimes.

As for what I did that made her so upset that she can be so heartless till she wouldnt even see a friend who has cancer.... well seriously I am not sure. I certainly didn't steal her boyfriend, neither did I steal her job. When I think about it, the magnitude of what I did to her, shouldnt be so great as to cutting off a 10 year friendship

I'd finally come to terms with the fact that, it is easy for her to end a friendship as much as she want to start one. She will cherish it when she has but when it is over, there is no turning back for her.

I wish her all the best in the singing career. Guess we will never meet again in this lifetime of mine.