Story about me
I used to have a very close friend. We know each other since we were 13 and our friendship ended exactly 10 years later. We were very close, at least I treated her as a very close friend. So close that I became rather possessive (not in a romantic way though, i swear). Me, her and another close friend of ours are always hanging out together. We went to Indonesia, HK, Australia together and we stay in the hostel together. We were very close friends.But perhaps being close friends also mean we get to know the person's character, from strength to weaknesses.
Always tactless and straightforward, my character is a total clash with her tactful, careful character.
In uni, we had many conflicts and I guess we hurt this friendship a lot with my words and her actions.
The year I graduated, we fell out. She went to become a singer and I dropped my hopes of becoming a theatre practioner and became a civil servant.
I had always thought that our friendship can withstand the trial of all this. I always believed that we will be friends again.
I kept this hope close to me, till the year I got cancer.
Our common close friend told her about my news. My friend hoped that she would at least be willing to meet me. But no, she is still impartial about it. It was cancer for god's sake. At the age of 25. Your friend who spent close to half your lifetime with. But it all does not matter to her.
10 years of friendship. And nothing can changed her mind when she decided to cut this friendship.
The week before I was hospitalised for test before chemo, we finally met up. I thought we can finally mend this friendship and hopefully, start afresh. But when I was hospitalised, till I was discharged, never once did she sms me to ask how was I. Our common friend was upset for me, because it was only when she mention about me to her that she asked about me. Her reason to this friend of ours is that she is concern but prefer to ask her instead of me.
For years I held on to the hope that we can forget about the past and be friends again. Even if it is not close friends, just being normal aquintance would suffice. But I guess 10 years of friendship means nothing to her.
The day before my chemo is the day I gave up totally for this friendship. I never cry again nor did I get myself angry again. I even forgotten that she existed in my life sometimes.
As for what I did that made her so upset that she can be so heartless till she wouldnt even see a friend who has cancer.... well seriously I am not sure. I certainly didn't steal her boyfriend, neither did I steal her job. When I think about it, the magnitude of what I did to her, shouldnt be so great as to cutting off a 10 year friendship
I'd finally come to terms with the fact that, it is easy for her to end a friendship as much as she want to start one. She will cherish it when she has but when it is over, there is no turning back for her.
I wish her all the best in the singing career. Guess we will never meet again in this lifetime of mine.
posted by Fay @ 7:37 AM
4 Comments:
Sometimes we find that friends or family cannot handle what it means when we have cancer. They get freaked out by it, fearful for their own mortality. So they prefer to ignore us. On the other hand, sometimes a friend becomes an even better friend, opens up in a way and is kind and generous in a manner we would not have expected. . . . It just depends on their depth of wisdom and compassion and their ability to cope with difficulty. Your friend's actions are not a reflection on you. They just show where she is at right now -- unable and unwilling to cope.
Oh Gosh! David! Didn't know you read my blog. ^^
Thanks for your comments. It kinda made me understand a little of why she behaves like this. The stigma of cancer in this society is still too great that many are too afraid to talk about it, let alone face it.
All the while I tot you have already given up the hopes of reconciliation, but once a while I still see such an entry about this.
guess 10 yrs is a long time for someone like me to totally forget
still trying
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