Hope for Life

What have I done?

Watching the movie, Midnight Sun, I believed that Kaoru should not have started her relationship with the guy at all since she is going to leave him behind in the first place.

But..what I have been doing recently is against what I had just typed above.

Been really close with a friend of mine and we have been friends for 5 years now. We don't meet up often but we are pretty good friends. She knew all my relationship history, my flings and stuff. Recently, due to cosplay, we got together pretty closely and well... I dunno... we just grew closer.

I am someone who don't believe that friends can be lovers. I always believe that if there is no chemistry, there will never be. So this is totally against my logic and I couldnt understand anymore.

Plus..this friend is totally opposite of what I want in a partner. She is younger, not working full time yet, not very femme looking....
Me liking her has totally screwed up my own liking system. But then again. I did like someone younger n very butch looking person before so perhaps this is not so impt.

But I have broken all 3 "logic" I have....

Man...am I thinking right? Do I really have the right to love again? To be in a committed relationship?

But I like her. I like her and it is against all the logic and rationales I know from the past.
And I do want to be with her.

On wednesday, I told Qin that she should just care about what she has now and not plan too much into the future, cos you will never know if anything is going to happen to you, neither will you know if your current sacrifice of your happiness can guarantee greater happiness in the future. So fuck it and do what makes you happy now. Fuck care everyone's opinions about you, fuck care people's disapprovals. It's your life and only you know what can make you happy. So just do it. Cherish the moment, for it is the present that is important.

On wednesday, weird pal confessed and I totally forgot what the things I told Qin. I was scared and confused and insecure. I dunno if I have the capability to love in my condition. Thus I start to think more into the future and overlooked now

But now, I wanna adopt that "live for today" attitude.

After all, I really dunno what future holds for me and time may be too short to think too much into nitty gritty stuff... so...

Yes...I admit my feelings now.

I like you too, ZY.

posted by Fay @ 10:52 AM