Paranoid and Emo
My condition makes me paranoid. When I feel a little unwell, I will suspect it is my condition.Recently, I've been getting body aches. Due to the white blood cells, I will feel aches in my bones. That's what the doc says. But recently it is getting irritable. And when it happens, I feel emo and upset.
I got emo on weird pal on wed. I felt that she is very poor thing, to be stuck with me. I cried during dinner cos I was feeling so bad and so upset. I wished we had met in another situation, I wished I was healthier. I feel so sad that she has to be the one to be with me now. I wished I loved her earlier. It was a lot of mixed feelings. The moment she saw me getting upset, she stood up from her seat and came forward to give me a hug, right in the middle of food court. I was embarrased and touched all at the same time. She thought I wanna tell her that I wanna stop all this. But I am too selfish to wanna do that. I seriously just wanna be with her. I wanna be with her forever, as lovers, and as friends.
I think I really scare her. Cos I cried again in Starbucks when I went there for coffee. Can't help it. My arm was aching and I hate my condition. I heard the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and cried. "If I just lay here, will you lie with me and just forget the world..."
Anyway, I spoke to Dan and Qin about whether I should be selfish and get into a relationship. Well, being friends, they are supportive. But when you are the one experiencing the whole thing, you can't help but wonder if you did the right thing.
But I am selfish. I can't possibly let go of her now. I really adore her. She gave me hope in my life and show me that perhaps...I have the right to love again.
Therefore, I will continue to fight...with her by my side.
posted by Fay @ 10:31 AM
7 Comments:
Next time when you have aches, try closing your eyes and say a prayer...
It's never too late to realise that the 2 of you like each other now... cherish each other and be as loving as you can be... not many people can have kind of partner...
I have wanted to leave comments in your blog but... gota have an account in order to do it.. so, no choice, i went to create one... and i dun blog at all...
Anyway, try to think positive, they say positive thinking can help a person get well faster... dont be discouraged by all the pains... be strong... will keep you in prayers...
Thanks!
I wonder who you are. You seems like someone I know. Are you?
Er...how am I supposed to answer that question? Why not leave me your email address or msn address for us to find out who you and i are...
In the meantime, remember to stay happy and positive, and always remember that you will have family and friends who will be with you...and you are not alone...
I procrastinated for quite some time before I leave a comment for you, but I have been reading your entries every now and then.
I know those words, "Be strong", "I understand how you feel" might have been heard by you for too many a time. Hence I shall not put you through that torture to scream that, "You don't understand at all!"
You are in pain, everyone who reads your entries feel your pain. Don't put yourself down for you do mean so much more. While you feel at times that you are a burden, think about the number of people willing to share this burden with you.
Love is selfless or selfish, that is the greatest trial of all. Some people make it and some people don't. Everyone has a choice to love, and she chose to love you, you know you love her. Isn't that all it matters?
Love is the only factor that makes you strong again! We are all behind you to make this happen. :)
Xieryl> Thanks... Your comment made me very happy and very touched.
Thank you so much... words can't describe how grateful I am to have strangers giving me moral support.
I will work hard and live!
Thank you...
Hi,
Like to share what I have read with you:
WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO
Cancer is so limited --
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit.
Happines isnt about what happens to us - its about how we perceive what happens to us. It's the knack of finding a positive for every negative, and viewing each setback as a challenge. If we can just stop wishing for what we dont have and start enjoying what we do have, our lives can be richer, more fulfilled and happier. The time to be happy is now!
Hope today is good for you! Stay positive.
Regards...
photo> THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I am really touched.... ;_;
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