skeptical
Went to the doctors today. And he finally told me the shocking news about stem cell transplant for CLL. Less than 5 of such patients did the transplant. Only 1 is successful. None is alive now.
How encouraging.
"You can be the first one!"
WOW!
Thanks!
I see that slight gimmer of hope shattering into million pieces.
Exercise
I bought a trampoline and try to bounce on it for at least 15 min everyday.
And I started my yoga lessons this week. My whole body is aching now but I am feeling happy and satisfied. I am very inflexible. According to my guy friend, he (mockingly) say that I belong to the 30% of the human population that cannot touch my toes when I bend down and keeping my knees straight. So I aspire to improve this till my whole palm can touch the floor at the end of the 6 weeks lessons.
Hope I will be able to perservere till the end and do the yoga poses everyday. :)
I am even thinking of buying a yoga mat now. But knowing myself, it might just be a 5 min of passion thing. Will hold that thought and see how it goes.
Yeah! Go, go, on to a healthier lifestyle!
Happy New Year Pull your Ear!
Well, 2007 has passed and looking back, 2007 is a year of ups and downs but at the end of the day, it is really 有惊无险.
I found my soulmate beginning of this year who have been very supportive and encouraging in my CLL journey. I have a bad temper and grumble too much, yet she is still able to take it all and walk down this road with me. Thank you, darling, for being there with me on this difficult journey...
I started the year realising there's a lump in my (already very small) breast and had the lump removed in March, fearing that it might be maglignant breast lump. But very lucky for me, it's 有惊无险 and that lump is actually caused by CLL. I went through my first ultrasound and mammogram and first SGH surgery. TTSH is certainly better and more efficient in cutting people up. I didn't have to wait much in TTSH but in SGH, I waited from 7am to 10.30 before going in for my operation.
My girlfriend was with me for that operation and I am really thankful. of cos, my mum was there throughout and I know she was very worried for me. Maybe I am really the daughter that had let her down badly and now with this condition, it just made it tougher for her. But I do hope that mum will remember me as someone who is really happy and thankful to be alive in this world and that I never blame anyone; not her, not anyone, for my condition.
I was jobless for almost half of the year of 2007, due to the operation and job switching. It is not easy looking for THE JOB to be in while I have this condition. I had a bad job experience in mid year in a really terrible american company. Quitted and searched for one month before landing myself in this current job. I am really thankful that I have really wonderful colleagues in this job, they are helpful and never fail to lend me a helping hand when I was clueless in my work. In just a few months in the job, we had have 2 departmental gatherings and 2 major company function which was all fun and nice. The pay was quite a cut from my previous sales job, but I guess for the sake of good health, i really cannot take that kinda job anymore, even though even up till this day, I still miss my old company and my old colleagues, the old working environment and that adrenaline rush when I hit the sales target and beyond. I could have been much more.... so much more if CLL never hit me in 2006. I could have been a manager now, earning maybe 4 times more from commission than what I am earning now. Sometimes when I think about that, I feel really upset and 遗憾..
I quit smoking, quit much of the drinking and quit clubbing and late night outs. It's good that my gf dun smoke, dun drink, dun club and can't stay out too late, so she is my "watch dog" for my health. We dun exercise though, which in my new year resolution, I hope to exercise a lot more than now.
2007 is also a wonderful year where I met Molly who showed me strength in being a cancer warrior... and through her I know Snowcloud, who is another brave fighter. They made me appear so small and whiny, I should be ashamed. haha. I also met a good TCM sensei and a great and extremely helpful CLL forum, which broaden my knowledge about my condition. After all, CLL is a western cancer so I practically cannot find any help in Singapore. But in the forums, I learnt that green tea with it's ECGC contents can help to improve my health and is particularly good against CLL. I also learnt about the wonderful healing qualities of castor oil and is trying it now. It is definitely useful and my once ballooned and hardened lymph nodes has started to go down and become softer. I now have about 1.5 litres of castor oil at home which can last me for half a year. I am kiasu, I know. But life's like this. When you look for it, you can't find it. But the moment you found the thing, the rest of the people will also find it for you and all help you buy a few bottles. ho ho.
2007 is also a year I embraced back my old hobby and had tons of fun this year, got to know many new friends from the hobby and get back in touch with some old ones.
You know, I really think being alive is such a wonderful thing. I experienced so much joy and happiness from everyone around me, it truly made me glad to be alive. My dear friend, Bin bin went to Japan this december and helped me got a health charm from Osaka's most famous shrine/temple. She even helped me pray for speedy recovery for my condition. I had never been a very nice friend to my friends ever since Jia's incident and ever since I started working, something I feel very bad over. Bin Bin, thanks for your little act of kindness. I really, really appreciate it.
So maybe overall, 2007 is actually a good year, seeing how loved I am by my family, friends and lover, and even by someone up in the universe who is looking out for me. I am truly blessed and fortunate.
Dear friends, you may be healthy and may think that you have all the time in the world and all the health in the world to burn. But it is only when your health is being compromised, will you truly understand the importance of being healthy and happy. So stop smoking, stop drinking. Start exercising and most importantly, be happy.
New Year Resolution 2008:
1) Exercise
2) Sleep early (opps, it's 4am now...)
3) Try juicing diet
4) Control my temper and be a nicer person.
Happy new yr!!
