Next step
And so I got my results for the breast lump last week. It was... due to CLL. I was so relieved and happy. And realise that life is actually filled with simple happiness. When I told my mum, she said "why are you so happy? You still have leukemia."
Well, cos in life, you really have to count your blessings. I have CLL, period. But that doesn't mean I cannot have a normal life. And it also doesnt mean I cannot cure it. With lotsa faith and positive attitude, even if I can't cure it, I can prolong the time I need treatment. Life is beautiful, truly. And it is that simple.
Plus my check up with the haematologist shows that my condition is stable and I just need to come back for regular check ups once every 2 - 3 months. Good news! :DDD
So well, knowing the results, I had sent our several resumes last week. None had gotten back to me, except for 2 major MNCs that rejected me. I expected it though. They need people with 3 years of experience and I only have 2.
So now I just wish to go back to working and lead a normal life instead of bumming around.
So people reading my blog, if you have any lobang for jobs, do drop a comment!
Because I am....
"How did you know I was thinking of that? Oh my goodness!? I was thinking of the exact same thing!"
"Because I am girlfriend."
ZY always surprises me sometimes. The friend of 6 years, the one whom I never ever consider as a potential partner, because...
I thought she was too young. When I first knew her I was 19, she was 16. Then when we first came out, I was 21, she was only 18.
I thought she looks too guyish. Short hair, and taller than most average girls, and always wearing more masculine clothings.
I thought she come from a circle which I dislike....the same hobby circle I was in and know her from, but left because the people there are too immature and bitchy for my liking.
I thought she was nothing special. She had many fangirls but I can never see her charm. To me, she was never good looking.
Yet, after 6 years of twist and turns, we ended up together, due to the hobby that first brought us together.
The same person whom I thought I'll never fall for, became the partner whom I love most. The same person whom I though was too young, was the most emotionally stable one. The same person whom I thought was never good looking... is now the most good looking one in my eyes.
Because I am your girlfriend.
*laugh*
None of my ex-es can actually read me and care for me and love me the way you are doing now.
I am so glad I finally found you.
强者的定义
The titles says The Definition of a Strong Person
I had my operation on the 13th. It was a long wait at SGH. Unlike TTSH, we really have to wait at various stations for a really long time. I really hate waiting. it makes the patient anxious and it is really not a nice feeling. In TTSH, there were little waiting...and they made you lie on a bed and push you into the theatre op room. In SGH, you walk in by yourself and sit on the theatre op table on your own. They were deciding if they should take out a whole lymph node, together with the breast lump, or just do a needle biopsy. From their sound of it, they seems kinda sure the lump was going to be cancerous. Very discouraging, these doctors.
Anyway, I didn't konk out as fast as I was in TTSH by the anesthetic. It took a while and when I woke up, my breast hurt....obviously. And after I was more awake, I realise I have 2 scars, one for the lump, another at the lymph node. I guess in the end they open up the lymph node to take a sample out. But man...the lymph node one hurt when I move my hand. So I do have slight difficulty changing clothes and sleeping and moving my arm for a while.
But I still manage to change my clothes and refused any help from my girlfriend or mum. Ok, mum helped the first time, but that's all.
My girlfriend keep saying that I am very strong... despite the fact that I teared when I see her after my surgery. She and my mum stayed with me throughout. Mum pretty much gotten used to my girlfriend, though I never explicitly told her that she is my gf, but mum not stupid, so there. CLL does bring family understanding among one another. :)
Anyway, gf came over to be with me for the next many days to come and everytime I need to change my clothes, I will do it on my own and she would comment that I am very strong.
Well, on friday, the wound don't hurt so bad and on saturday (17th March, 4 days after op), I am up and running around, to career fair and suntec and dinner with gf's friend. Then on sunday, I ran around singapore from CCK to Paya Lebar to Novena. Well, pretty restless for a "Just Op".
Thursday, my JC friend came to visit me and as I told her about the op ever so briefly, she looked and me and said "You are really strong and brave".
What is the meaning and definition of a strong person?
Because you tried doing everything yourself and be independent?
Because you had a condition that nobody you know has thus you are strong?
Because I went through 2 ops at the age of 25, gotten such a rare condition, yet can still not show any sadness, is braveness?
Strength is the state of mind, just like happiness. At times I guess you really have to ask yourself what you want in life. Do you want to be happy, or worry about every damn thing you cannot control? Whine about something you can do but wishes someone to do for you, or just finish it yourself, fast and simple?
Strength is not just in the character. It's in your mindset. What can I do after I know I have CLL? Lament all day? Get depressed? Contemplate suicide?
No. I want to live. And I want to be normal. Live like a normal 25 year old. I want to enjoy love, enjoy life, enjoy everything around me. if you worry too much, you will miss out so much in life. You will miss out on the people who love you, the people who care about you, the beauty of the world, the peaceful sleep at night. Is lamenting the only way out for people with cancer?
No.
The definition and meaning of strength is just so simple.
It is simply the will to want to live for as long as you can, happily.
Countdown 2 days
To day surgery.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Suppressing emotions.
Death do us part
When the phrase "Till death do us part" means a lot more now.
Was watching Heroes and they talked about choosing a life of happiness or a life of meaning.
A life of happiness is a life where one live by the present, and forget about the past, and not care about the future. You are happy, but life is without meaning.
A life of meaning is a life where one live wallowing for their past, and obsessed with their future. You may be unhappy, but you find meaning in life.
Me? I want a life of happiness. And I want a normal life like most people in their 20s.
