2 weeks
2 more week to my operation in SGH. Going to take out the lump in my right breast. I am praying that it is benign. Life gives me lotsa obstacles. But I always have this strange theory that things happen for a reason. I read Slyvia Brown and she believes that earth itself is a school for angels above to come down to learn. And we are all angels. perhaps when I was about to come down, I chose to hv a life with more interesting experience than my peers. I chose to be lesbian, I chose to hv CLL. So that I can learn from people who suffer. So that I will learn how to love, and in turn let people love me.
So I take everything as a lesson of life.
I am positive and will remain so forever.
Pray for me, that the lump is benign. I believe it is. So pray for me.
I will also be praying, to buddha, goddess of mercy, and the universe.
Thank you to everyone for your concern. I am thankful to have so many people who cares for me. Perhaps it is a valuable life lesson for this little angel to learn, and in turn give back the love and concern to all who needs care and love.
13th March. I'll be fine. :)
GONG HEI FATT CHOY!!!!
It's Chinese New Year!
My favourite time of the year cos can get lots of ang pow. But bad thing is, I am already 26 with no boyfriend, so soon people will be unhappy giving ang pow to me. *sulks*
it's time to think of how to avoid CNY soon. I think by the age of 30, I can stop visiting the relatives and avoid them altogether. I would love getting ang pow, but you know... when you are 30 and "single"
So how many of you got the "So do you have any boyfriend? / When are you getting married / When are you going to have a baby? / When are you going to have the second baby / Are you still in the same job?" Kinda questions?
Pretty irritating but surprisingly I receive none of those this year! Mainly cos I ran out on chu yi's night to meet my gf (but it was mainly to avoid my relatives). The relatives I met for chu er are generally nicer and won't ask such redundant questions. They ask nicer questions like "your contact lens very nice" and "oh is that your cat picture in your hp?" and starts talking to you about pets and contact lenses. That's the way to go isn't it? Instead of keep asking people to get married and stuff.
When hope you guys have fun.
And hope it will be a great year ahead!
Girls and Emotional Issues
Why do girls always have emotional issues?
Is it because of their hormonal change once a month that causes that?
Or are women too sensitive towards issues?
Out of all the ex-es and many of the ladies I've dated, I've yet to seen a lady who has complete control of her emotions, perhaps only Sha.
They lose control, they snap, they go MIA and emotional and sometimes even take it out on their gfs.
I always try to keep that emotional issue in check. Or at least I'll try to pre-empt my partner and friends when I am in the mood.
perhaps because I learnt from my friends incident, that people don't always tolerate you. That if you have people you cherish and you care about, it is better to keep your emotions in check.
The only person I realise that I snap at is my mum. Poor mum. But she is used to it and will not get affected by it. But I know, that's just an excuse.
But why, I ask, why do women have problem controlling their emotions? I was talking to my girl friend, Di just now, asking if her boyfriends will snap at them when they are feeling emotional. She said guys don't, but they will just act differently from normal. And being girls, we just have to know what went wrong and keep probing till something really will go wrong. Haha.
I always try to keep my emotions in check. Or at least try to pre-empt people. But when people snap at me, that is when I find it hard to contain my emotions. Especially when it was for no actual reason. I will find it unreasonable and thus feel upset, hurt and ultimately angry.
Emotions are such a bitch. I wish I am less emotional.
Girl friend, Di, told me that my mentality is pretty much like a guy because I'm very 爽快. I told her wish I have more of the guy's bo chup attitude, then perhaps if people get emotional at me, I won't get so affected.
Ups and Downs
Lots of ups and downs this week, mainly due to my medical apppointment last week. Doc has referred me to see a breast doctor cos of a lump in my breast. Need to do a biopsy on that lump. Wish me luck. CLL alone is traumatizing enough, kthks.
Being with ZY is pure bliss. I am beginning to wonder if she was sent to me at this point of time as an angel to look after me. We were friends for 6 years and nothing happened, only during this period did we got closer. Isn't life strange?
She is the main source of happiness nowadays when I am feeling down and weak. When the hospital called me up and asked me to go the hospital in 4 hours time, I could only rely on her. She took leave and went down with me. I really felt very safe with her around. I guess sometimes life take away some and give you some.
Words cannot describe how comfortable we are together and how much I love her. But I have no doubt she knows how much I love her. I just wish I can live a ripe age to walk down my life with her.
That is my greatest wish. Life is actually that simple.
